In the Wee Hours of the Morning

It is getting harder now. I awake in the early hours of the morning, sometimes a couple of hours before my alarm. The room is filled with light even though blinds and curtains are closed. It gets light very early here in Arizona in the summer without Daylight Savings Time as a part of our life. And I usually have to use the bathroom. And that gives me just enough time for my mind to wake up and start thinking. I am glad my mind can wake up so fast in the case of an emergency, but really, it is not necessary in most cases and that fast arousal is actually a curse. Because when I wake up and start thinking, all the cares and worries of the day before flood in, combined with those of the new day that has just arrived.

The cares and worries these days are of the arrival and departure of two sons. It is a bittersweet situation as we share our joy of Chris' return but with a heavy, but grateful heart at the thought that Cameron will soon depart our company. We all thought a little time for brothers who have been apart two years to see each other would be an excellent thing. Now I am wondering at how hard this will be for one brother to see his older brother return and know he has a full two years to go left on his own mission. One has the best two years of his life behind and another has it all in front of him. Only, when it is all in front of him, he does not know it is going to be the best two years of his life. And that is scary.

As the mother of these two boys, I feel their excitement and fears and pain and joy and it is a bundle of emotions that are hard to contain without feeling just a little out of whack. And in the wee hours of the morning, I feel more vulnerable and unable to contain all that I feel and the flood of feelings bursts forth. But I will gladly take that on to know my boys are serving their Father in Heaven. So, in the wee hours of the morning, with all the emotions I feel, I hope that the most important emotion I express is gratitude for all our family is blessed with and know there are special blessing out there for those that serve as well. And I am counting on that, in the wee hours of the morning.